Ben Schwartz Presents 'Articles in about an hour or your money back!'

After five years of…talking, Craig Kilborn has decided to pack his desk, look at himself in the mirror and leave late night television. In order to keep the show on its feet, CBS has put together a list of possible Late Late Show hosts.

SECRET POSSIBLE LATE LATE SHOW HOST LIST

Jay Mohr: Coming off of his hit TV show “Last Comic Standing”, Jay seems like a perfect fit for CBS. He has the ability to write for himself and has proved that he can talk to people who believe they are funny.

DRAMATIZATION
Bruce Springsteen- “We’re putting on a concert to raise money for John Kerry. I mean, the guy has already raised over 180 million dollars, but we figured we’d lend a hand.”
Jay Mohr- “180 million dollars, I bet the majority of the money has come from Teresa Heinz’s swear jar.”
(Jay laughs uncontrollably)
Jay Mohr- “You know, because she curses…”
(Long pause)
(Jay coughs)
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Bill Clinton- America’s favorite pimp, Bill Clinton would be a perfect candidate for the Late Late Show. His charisma and ability to chat with anyone about any topic has made him CBS’s number two choice for the 12.35 slot.

DRAMATIZATION
Uma Thurman- “It’s great to be here Bill.”
Bill Clinton (slaps Thurman) - “Bitch, you don’t speak unless spoken to.”

(A slow motion clip of Mr. Clinton drinking wine from a goblet that says “STILL PIMPIN’ AFTER ALL THESE YEARS” appears on the screen.)
(Uma Thurman sits in the seat uncomfortably)
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The Predator- What is hotter this season than the Predator? Imagine a talk show host that collects skulls, slays aliens, doesn’t like the Governator and is ten times more attractive than Joan Rivers.

DRAMATIZATION
Justin Timberlake- “It’s funny you bring that up P because Cameron and I did have one zany vacation”
(The Predator jumps on the desk glares at the audience and let’s out a terrifying scream)
(Long pause)
The Predator- “I bet it was awfully zany”
(The Predator chuckles, sits back down in his seat and plays with a pencil)
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Who will take over for Mr.Kilborn and keep viewers occupied during Conan O’Brien commercials? The world (eats a tootsie roll pop)…may never know.