|
Apparently Jive Records is sweating the idea that Britney Spears isn’t sweating at all.
Britney Spears’ entourage is keeping their fingers crossed that the chiseled crooner will not “balloon” after her recent knee injury. The singer was forced to cancel her Oynx Hotel Tour, an action which has saddened both her ticket-holding fans and her fat-storing thighs. The latter, apparently, is the greater concern.
As a human being, Britney has always possessed many human-like qualities--feelings, limbs, fat, muscles, talent, creativity, impulse, and personality. America chooses to ignore this, however, and remain steadfast in the conviction that Britney Spears must remain SUPER-Human.
The paparazzi and their starved-for-scandal fans have assumed that Britney doesn’t have any actual feelings for years, expecting her and other headlining celebs to take their media bashings with un-human-like composure. But it’s something else entirely when your own camp is hoping you will also overcome a temporary physical handicap, a handicap that condemns 1.4 million people a year to bed-rest.
For her reps, rest and rehabilitation looks like a one-way path to piggy proportions.
Knees are unreliable joints. In fact, almost FIVE MILLION people a year visit orthopedic surgeons for knee problems. But, if we’re talking statistics—the average American woman is 5’4 and 145 pounds, and at 5’5 and 120, Britney barely squeaks past “underweight” and into the safe BMI area of “healthy weight.” In addition to beating genetics, she is now expected to beat physical pain.
This cautiousness is nothing new in Hollywood---similar concerns have befallen managers and agents when their clients dare to:
1. Get pregnant,
2. Gain weight for a role
3. Eat.
4. Overcome a painkiller/coke/heroin/amphetamine addiction.
Now we have a fifth one:
5.Get injured and need crutches.
According to PageSix.com, agents at Jive Records are concerned that Britney will lose the barely attainable figure that she has sweated and slaved for. 'She is a big girl anyway. She is prone to gaining weight and likes her junk food,” says the PageSix source. 'Being on tour with all of the dancing was keeping a lot of the weight off, but now that she's going to be on crutches for a while, people are worried she will balloon up.'
Another “source,” closer to Britney, denies this anticipated inflation: 'She will be taking a couple of weeks off her leg, but she is walking on crutches and will continue to remain in good shape with the help of physical therapy.'
It’s almost scary to imagine the aerobics-while-on-crutches routine that is most likely in the works for the pop princess. Crutch-Cardio-Kickboxing or not, Britney can seek inspiration from other stars who gained weight and then lost it at a super-human pace: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Liv Tyler, Kate Hudson, Alicia Silverstone, Renee Zelwigler, among others.
Really, there is no need to worry. Because unlike most human beings, Britney has the financial resources to hire the best trainer and the best nutritionist money can buy. And if all else fails, I'm sure she has the money to hire the best fat-camouflaging clothing designer. If only those other 1.4 million currently hopping around on crutches and bemoaning their saddlebags could be so lucky.
Marie Bernard
|
Email webmaster
Submit News
